Maybe I should feel bad for telling my sister its ok if she wants to have casual sex with someone she just met.
But I totally don’t.
I just told her to make sure to use a condom, and if the sex and / or the conversation is bad, give him a fake phone number. (that last part was mildly sarcastic.)
I told her (the honest truth) that it won’t fix her life or the way she feels, it won’t really make her any less hung up on her ex-boyfriend, but for a few hours she won’t be thinking about him, and it’s all about the baby steps.
And then I told her sluttiness was a made up concept meant to prevent women from having sex whenever and with whomever we wanted.
I don’t feel bad.
While much of the sex in Fifty Shades is as cruel and sadistic as in mainstream porn, it is expertly packaged for women who want a “fairy tale” ending. In male-targeted porn, the woman is interesting only for as long as the sex lasts. Once done with her, the man is onto the next, and the next, and the next. … She is disposable, interchangeable, and easily replaced. No happy ending here for women.
In Fifty Shades, however, the naïve, immature, bland Anastasia is, for some unfathomable reason, the most compelling woman our rich, sadistic, narcissistic hero has ever met, and he not only kisses her during sex (something you rarely see in Internet hardcore porn) but he doesn’t move on to the next conquest once he has had his wicked way with her. In fact, he actually marries her and confesses undying love. As one of the female fans I interviewed said, this is like Pretty Woman all over again.
Indeed, Fifty Shades is about as realistic as Pretty Woman. How many prostitutes do you know who end up living in marital bliss with a former john? I would guess about the same number of women who live happily ever after with a man who dictates, in a written contract, what to eat and wear, and when to exercise, wax, and sleep. In my work, I meet many women who started out like our heroine, only to end up, a few years later, not in luxury homes, but running for their lives to a battered women’s shelter with a couple of equally terrified kids in tow. No happy ending here, either.
In his book on batterers, Lundy Bancroft provides a list of potentially dangerous signs to watch out for from boyfriends. Needless to say, Mr. Grey is the poster boy of the list, not only with his jealous, controlling, stalking, sexually sadistic behavior, but his hypersensitivity to what he perceives as any slight against him, his whirlwind romancing of a younger, less powerful woman, and his Jekyll-and-Hyde mood swings. Any one of these is potentially dangerous, but a man who exhibits them all is lethal.
And yet women of all ages are swooning over this guy and misreading his obsessive, cruel behavior as evidence of love and romance. Part of the reason for this is that his wealth acts as a kind of up-market cleansing cream for his abuse, and his pathological attachment to Anastasia is reframed as devotion, since he showers luxury items on her. This is a very retrograde and dangerous world for our daughters to buy into, and speaks to the appalling lack of any public consciousness as to the reality of violence against women.
Fifty Shades also reveals just how pornographic our culture has become over the last decade or so. While the old Harlequin romance novels had narcissistic heroes who toyed, sexually and psychologically, with their much younger prey, however remote and emotionally challenged he was, the hero did not have a torture chamber tucked away in his basement. Fifty Shades of Grey is Harlequin on steroids, a kind of romance novel for the porn age in which overt sexual sadism masquerades as adoration and love. New as this is, the ending remains depressingly the same for real women who end up falling for the Mr. Greys of the world.
A person who cannot imagine the future is a person who cannot contemplate the results of his actions. Some are thus paralyzed into inaction.
I think [HBO’s Game of Thrones] rides a very fine line and creatively it’s sort of amazing, because I think sometimes people are outraged by how much nudity there is and how compromised women are in these circumstances. And then they find a way to fill these characters with such a richness, and to kind of blindside you with a power that is within a female character, a level of intelligence, a survival skill that can totally outshine any of the other characters that we’re familiar with. And I think that they’re not afraid really shine a light on how fucking terrible it can be for a woman out there. How dangerous it is in this world and the kind of violence that is perpetrated against women.
- 15-year-old me: MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
- me now: for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance
Its Friday, and I’m working late.
I’ve had a crappy week.
So I left sticky notes on everyone’s computers / offices telling them what I liked about working with them.
And I tried to throw in campy medical words.
"Stephanie’s laugh is contagious”
I think I’m hilarious.
That is one nice thing about being the last one here.
Q:What is 50 shades of grey about? And what's so bad about it?
50 Shades of Grey was originally fanfiction based on the Twilight series, which was then published as a novel (along with 2 subsequent books). It sold over 100 million copies around the world and topped best-seller lists everywhere. It’s about to be adapted into a film, set to come out early next year.
It follows a college student named Ana Steele, who enters a relationship with a man named Christian Grey and is then introduced to a bastardised and abusive parody of BDSM culture.
While the book is paraded as erotica, the relationship between Ana and Christian is far from healthy. The core mantra of the BDSM community is “safe, sane and consensual”, and 50 Shades is anything but. None of the rules of BDSM practices (which are put in place to protect those involved) are actually upheld. Christian is controlling, manipulative, abusive, takes complete advantage of Ana, ignores safe-words, ignores consent, keeps her uneducated about the sexual practices they’re taking part in, and a multitude of other terrible things. Their relationship is completely sickening and unhealthy.
Basically, “the book is a glaring glamorisation of violence against women,” as Amy Bonomi so perfectly put it.
It’s terrible enough that a book like this has been absorbed by people worldwide. Now, we have a film that is expected to be a huge box-office success, and will likely convince countless more young women that it’s okay not to have any autonomy in a relationship, that a man is allowed to control them entirely. It will also show many young men that women are theirs to play with and dominate, thus contributing to antiquated patriarchal values and rape culture.
Boycott this fucking movie, for the love of god. These kinds of ideas are dangerous and set us back as a society
I actually started seeing white spots today.
That was fun.
A migraine so horrible you see spots.
My hands hurt, my hip hurt, my head hurts, my feet are swollen (thats a new one!) and I’ve slept like… 16 hours in the last 24.
I went about 2.5 weeks without my body totally shitting out on me. That was a good run.
Nope nope nope nope.